


Forget the Ferrero Rocher (Just Give Me the Champagne)

by strongplacebo



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-03
Updated: 2009-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-20 00:24:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/206827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strongplacebo/pseuds/strongplacebo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prentiss! And Morgan! Go undercover! As a couple!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget the Ferrero Rocher (Just Give Me the Champagne)

**Author's Note:**

> The title has nothing to do with anything except I found myself typing the phrase 'ambassador's reception.' [The 1993 Ferrero Roche ad](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHjiEKaZt1k).

"Remember," Rossi said, "Don't get too involved. Don't answer too many questions about your past, don't ask too many questions about theirs, you are just a normal couple out for a nice evening."

Emily nodded, pulling a slightly more causal sweater over her work shirt. She untucked it so the tails would hang down and hopefully conceal the bump where her gun was hiding. They were creased but there was hardly anything she could do about it know, short of calling a time out while she looked for an iron.

"Rossi, man, we know. I did eighteen months deep undercover, I know what I'm doing," Morgan said.

"And I'm an ambassador's daughter. I know all about bullshitting at group events."

"Okay. Try to forget everything you know about them as a couple: you are just like them."

"Right," Emily said slowly, "except for the whole rape and evisceration thing."

"Except that," Rossi acknowledged. Emily smiled.

"Well," she said, holding her arms out and giving a twirl. "How do I look? Non-federal agent enough?"

"You look great," JJ said.

"You do," Garcia agreed, but she sounded kind of sad. "And you," she said turning to Morgan. "You had better be careful in there, do you hear me? And one of these days, you should stop volunteering for crazy missions which require you to get up close and personal with psychotic killers."

"Baby girl, you realise we work for the FBI, right?" Morgan asked, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

"I know," she sniffed. "That's only going to work as an excuse three or four hundred more times."

Morgan grinned. "You don't need to worry about me," he proclaimed, casting one quick glance down his body. "I'm going to have Prentiss there to defend me anyway."

"That's right," Emily agreed, smiling at Garcia. "I will totally kick the ass of anyone who tries to lay a finger on him."

"Okay," Hotch said, clapping his hands together. "I think we're ready. Garcia, do you have feed on the party already?"

"Yes sir," Garcia said, turning back to her laptop. Emily could see the party in full swing already, clumps of incredibly beautiful, expensively dressed young couples talking and laughing together. Oh God, she hated these types of parties. Time to put her game face on, as her mother would say.

"Right, hurry up and get going then," Hotch said and Emily and Morgan hopped out the back of the van.

"Shall we?" Morgan offered her his arm and Emily accepted.

"We shall."

The music was exactly what Emily would have expected, soft and generically classical. She and Morgan exchanged a look before looking away quickly. Psychotic serial killer couple, she reminded herself, very dangerous.

One of the groups nearest the door were looking over curiously. Emily tugged lightly on Morgan's arm and directed them in that direction.

"Hi," she said, pasting a huge smile on her face. "My name is Emily and this is my husband, Derek."

"It's nice to meet you," said the woman closest, a tall blonde with a frosty expression. "I'm Amy. I'm here with my husband James-" A man across the circle waved. "-and these are our friends Julia and Kyle."

"Pleasure to meet you all," Morgan said in his best charming voice. Emily had heard him spout bullshit in that tone of voice more times than she could count, to regional cops, to uncooperative witnesses, even to Hotch, though she wasn't sure that counted, since Hotch saw right through it.

"Tell me, Derek," Kyle said, "what do you do for a living?"

Morgan turned to face him and Emily dropped his arm. She kept herself slightly angled towards him though, so she could keep track of the lies he was spinning.

"That is a lovely sweater, Emily," Amy said, voice dripping with insincerity.

"Oh this," Emily laughed, tugging slightly on the ends. "I just threw it on. We weren't expecting to come out tonight, you know? Derek is in town on business and I just thought I'd follow him along!"

Amy and Julia smiled in a way Emily might readily compared to a tiger baring its teeth.

"I just adore your dress," she said to Julia. "Is that Dior?"

Julia looked momentarily surprised and Emily felt a surge of petty triumph. You don't attend a million ambassador's receptions without picking up a certain eye for designer fashion. Even if you do spend most of the time wishing you could be off swimming or playing videos games or basically being somewhere that's not there. While Julia rambled on about designer seasons, Emily caught sight of the unsubs over her shoulder. She slid her hand into Morgan's and squeezed twice, swinging their joined hands lightly in the direction of the targets. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Morgan turn his head to look. He squeezed her hand three times in response.

"So tell me all about you and Derek," Amy said. The faux friendliness of these people already had Emily's teeth on edge.

"Oh, there's not much to tell," Emily said smiling politely. She edged closer to Morgan and threaded her arm through his, rubbing one hand up and down his bicep. "We met in college, fell in love, ten years later -- well, here we are!" She laughed pleasantly and Julia and Amy mimicked her.

Just then Morgan's phone rang. He delved into his pocket for it while Emily smiled reassuringly at the group. She didn't let go of his arm.

"Hello?" he said, flipping it open. Emily heard a few squeaks emanate from the handset. Morgan looked over at her briefly, then shook his arm free. He walked a few steps away from the group.

Emily looked around. The two couples were staring at her. She smiled somewhat maniacally and shrugged. "He's always working," she said.

Morgan hung up and came back over. "That was just my secretary," he explained.

"You call your secretary 'baby girl'?" James asked. Emily's smile froze to her face. Seriously, Morgan? she thought quickly in his direction.

Morgan laughed uncomfortably. "I don't know what you mean," he tried.

"Nothing, nothing," James backtracked. "I just thought I heard. You know what, never mind."

Morgan looked helplessly at Emily. She mentally cursed him and prepared to play her role.

"Honey," she said through clenched teeth. "You said that was finished."

Amy and Julia exchanged small, self-satisfied grins. God, Emily hated them.

Morgan let out another uncomfortable chuckle. "It is, cupcake. I promise."

Emily shot another forced smile at the group and took Morgan's arm again. "Please excuse us," she said. "I have something to discuss with Derek."

The two couples made reassuring noises and Emily waved cheerily as she lead Morgan away. "It was so nice to meet you all. Goodbye."

They walked quicker until they were hid behind one of the tall fern plants dotted around the room. Emily smack Morgan on the shoulder.

"You couldn't hold off for five minutes?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Morgan held his hands up in apology. "I didn't think anyone would be able to hear me."

"What did Garcia say?"

Morgan looked around but they were alone. "She says the unsubs look to have chosen a couple for the evening. We have to make a move on getting their attention."

"Okay, okay," Emily said, clenching her hands into fists and releasing them. "Let's get going."

They emerged from behind the plant. Emily could see Amy and Julia still watching so she shot them one last fake smile. They smiled back.

Morgan placed his hand on her back and directed her towards where she could see the unsubs talking to another couple.

"Ready?" she asked under her breath.

"Baby, I was born ready," Morgan replied. They walked up to the group, false smiles firmly in place.

"Hi everyone," Emily said in her best simpering tones. "I'm Emily and this is my husband Derek."

The male unsub looked angry. The wife stole a quick glance at his face then turned back to speak to them.

"Hello," she said shortly. "It's so lovely to meet you but I'm afraid we and the Coopers were about to retire to our room for a game of cards."

Emily looked at Derek and grinned. "That does sound pleasant. Would you mind awfully if we joined you?"

The husband was furious now, and the Coopers seemed to look more than a little concerned at his expression.

"I'm sorry for being so forward," Emily continued, "but Derek and I are only in town for the one night. We'd just love to spend some time with some lovely people like you."

"I'm sorry," the husband said coldly. "I'm afraid this is only a game for two couples."

Mr Cooper looked at his wife and spoke up quickly, "You know what, why don't you four go right ahead. Maria and I will just have to take a raincheck." He let out a nervous laugh and led his wife away. Emily turned her smile to the unsubs.

"Perfect," Morgan said. "Now we're four."

Emily could see the husband's jaw clenching rhythmically but she felt sure they would take them up on the offer. Their behaviour showed definite signs of devolution and they needed to make a kill tonight.

"Certainly," the husband said stiffly. "Won't you come up to our room?" He gestured and Emily and Morgan followed after him. "While we make out way up, why don't you tell us a little something about yourselves?"

Desire to know details about their victims. Just as the profile said. Morgan started in on their prepared cover story about how they met at a kegger in college and Emily smiled charmingly at the wife. The submissive partner. The husband was asking lots of questions, more than Emily felt comfortable with. She was glad they wouldn't have to keep spinning this lie for much longer. Hotch had predicted that they would already have their torture tools out and displayed neatly, fitting the obsessive compulsion of the wife.

When they left the elevator on the seventh floor, Emily saw Rossi walking down the hall towards them. He stopped at a door a little way away and took out a hotel key card. Emily ignored him and followed the husband meekly to the door. Hotch was sitting on a sofa about halfway down the hallway, ostensibly reading a newspaper. The wife opened the door and Emily followed the husband inside, past the bathroom door and into the part of the room with the bed. Also the rather impressive display of torture implements laid out neatly on the sideboard. The husband walked calmly over, picked up a scalpel and gestured to the bed.

"Both of you," he said quietly. "Take your clothes off and go lie on the bed."

Emily heard the noise of the door locking shut. She felt Morgan move beside her and she reached into her pants and pulled out her gun. She aimed it squarely at the wife. Just then, the door burst open and the rest of the team rushed in.

"We're FBI, motherfucker," Morgan said calmly. "Drop the scalpel."

The unsubs were actually surprisingly easy to handcuff. While Emily was pushing her down the hallway, the wife turned her head to her.

"I won't be put in the same prison as him, will I?" she asked.

"No," Emily answered succinctly. The wife nodded in satisfaction and went quietly. Once they were safely in the back of separate squad cars, Emily walked over to the back of the van, where the rest of the group were huddled.

"Well that was fun. Reminded me of the good old days, good food, good wine, politicians all over the place. Let's never do that again," she said, turning to Morgan.

"I don't know, I thought it was kind of fun," Morgan said grinning. "Admit it, we make one fine looking couple."

"Hey," Garcia interrupted. "What did I say about putting yourself in situations where you have to get up close and personal with psychotic killers?"

"I'm pretty sure you said I could keep doing it for a while," Morgan answered, heading towards the SUVs.

"Um, excuse me?" Garcia followed him and hit him up the back side of the head. "That is not what I said. You do not have permission to do that, mister."

Emily watched them go and grinned.

"How are you feeling?" JJ asked.

"Okay," Emily replied, sticking her hands in her pockets. "And hey, we caught the bad guys. And stopped Mr and Mrs Cooper from suffering extreme amounts of blood and torture so that's always a win."

JJ smiled and started to walk towards the SUV that would take them to the airstrip. "And hey, Morgan was right. You guys do make a gorgeous couple."

Emily glanced sideways at JJ. One glance at her face made Emily let out a snort of laughter.

"Yeah," she said, linking arms with JJ. "Not going to happen."


End file.
